WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize