Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
