Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
