may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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