The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
