I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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