Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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