No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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