No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm determined to sit on that face.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
