Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize