after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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