I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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