I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
