After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize