I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
