before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
