Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
When did angry sex become our thing?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
