I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
