If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
