Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
