so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Bring me that man meat
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
