She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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