It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
