they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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