I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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