what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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