Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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