I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
