People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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