i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Watching her eat just hurts me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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