i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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