i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
