oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
