so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
