Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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