we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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