Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
