she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
