two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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