This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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