I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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