brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
