At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
