god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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