I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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