So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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