I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize