When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
