just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize