I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
