Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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