Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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