Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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