I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
