I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
