did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize