Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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