You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
