She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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