i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
