I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I stole a fireplace last night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sorry about my life...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
