I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
