I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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