I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
