So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
