Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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