Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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