There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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