On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Let's paint friendship bongs
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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