the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
