...so i touched it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
