I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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