Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
