When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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