I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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