i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
