The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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