i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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