I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
