i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
