You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How's work?
Spinning.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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