he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
