It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
