She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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