I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
