Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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