im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
