I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
