Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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