I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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