she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
