I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
