he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
