dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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