Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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